I'm Not the Captain of My Own Ship...or Your Ship Either

I do like to be in charge. And the thought of striking out on some adventure, serving as the leader, choosing the direction, does sound exciting to me. It seems freeing to think of my life as a ship, with me as the captain, battling the elements, charting the course, and everything riding on my shoulders. I decide the outcome. The adventure continues on my terms. My identity is largely the outcome of my own actions. If I want to be good, then I am good. If I want to be a rebel without a cause, rage against the system, then it is my choice. My identity is a moving target.

It is sometimes equally tempting to see myself as the captain of another person's ship as well. I want other people to behave, believe, feel, understand, etc. on my terms. I want other people to live up to the stereotypes I have for them. If I think someone is a dirty, rotten, scoundrel, then I want them to stay that way. It is too difficult to try to recreate a new stereotype. So stay the way I think that you are, please, and thank you. This is your captain speaking: your identity is, unfortunately, not a moving target.

Neither of these thought processes are true. And I'm glad. I'm glad that it is all not on my shoulders. I still remember the pressure of finding my identity in middle school and high school. I'll admit, whatever I thought the popular stream was, that's where I wanted to find myself. This affected how I walked, talked, and what I wore. I wanted (what I thought was) freedom to change my identity according to what would most benefit me socially. And, of course, I'm not the final word on any other person's thoughts or decisions. It may seem comforting on the surface to think I know all the ins and outs of the people around me and they will always think and do the way I think they should. This, though, only leads to frustration, because I'm no more in control of another life than I am of my own.

There is a captain. Believing that God has laid a claim on my life, I see my identity (thankfully) as something I don't choose for myself. It is given to me. The fate of others, their thoughts, and attitudes, are not determined by me, either. Spending time thinking on the idea of being "bought with a price" (see 1 Corinthians 6-7) helps me see that I'm not out on the sea of life, alone, calling my own shots. I'm tempted to think that way. Tempted to do things my own way and do what I want. But control of the rudder isn't mine and that is a good thing.

I think so much unrest in life would be lessened if we would think more on the idea that it is not all about doing what I want. There is really more freedom is letting Lord show us the way.